Control, it's gone
I'm not driving anymore
I've let it take me
I've never lost control before
Drowning in your energy
With your touch, I'm spinning
Eyes closed, I see you
Life is not a malfunction
I want to live
No one looks at me the way you do
Nobody says what you say
I think somehow I always knew you
I know you exist
I've seen you, heard you, touched you
Is this my own manufactured idea
Is this real
Slowly moving forward
I want to keep you.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Thoughts
Waking, Walking forward in shame...
Over and over again.
Not knowing what's best,
Tears me apart.
Lonely and writhing in a permanent state of confusion.
Standing, waiting for something, someone...somewhere.
Water slips through my fingers as I am left with hands.
Only you can save me, Only you know who I am.
Slowly falling, slipping, sliding...away from what I believe.
Once strong, full, and forward, now meek, weak and sad.
Make way for what is, what might be and what could be.
Fill it with grief, loneliness and tears...
Kill the dream, crush the reality, make it all disappear.
What's real, what's good, what's right is wrong.
I long for solid ground.
Over and over again.
Not knowing what's best,
Tears me apart.
Lonely and writhing in a permanent state of confusion.
Standing, waiting for something, someone...somewhere.
Water slips through my fingers as I am left with hands.
Only you can save me, Only you know who I am.
Slowly falling, slipping, sliding...away from what I believe.
Once strong, full, and forward, now meek, weak and sad.
Make way for what is, what might be and what could be.
Fill it with grief, loneliness and tears...
Kill the dream, crush the reality, make it all disappear.
What's real, what's good, what's right is wrong.
I long for solid ground.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Bricks
I sat and I stared
I saw them go through the motions
Keeping face for us all
Being strong when all I could do was cry
He wasn't mine to mourn
Yet I mourn him anyway
I hold a deep silent sympathy
For them, for him
I watched him as I walked away
Still keeping face
I know what he feels
Screaming and writhing inside
I looked back one last time
Just to check that face
A solemn constant in a state of confusion
and held up seemingly with the wings of angels
I said goodbye.
I saw them go through the motions
Keeping face for us all
Being strong when all I could do was cry
He wasn't mine to mourn
Yet I mourn him anyway
I hold a deep silent sympathy
For them, for him
I watched him as I walked away
Still keeping face
I know what he feels
Screaming and writhing inside
I looked back one last time
Just to check that face
A solemn constant in a state of confusion
and held up seemingly with the wings of angels
I said goodbye.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Just One Time
One time,
I want to smile without suffering behind it
I want to run without being knocked down
I want to breathe without worry
I want wake up and just be
I want to sing without hesitation
One time,
I want to walk without a glance over my shoulder
I want to give without need to receive
I want to speak without censor
I want to cry without remorse
I want to provide without struggle
One time,
I want to live.
I want to smile without suffering behind it
I want to run without being knocked down
I want to breathe without worry
I want wake up and just be
I want to sing without hesitation
One time,
I want to walk without a glance over my shoulder
I want to give without need to receive
I want to speak without censor
I want to cry without remorse
I want to provide without struggle
One time,
I want to live.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
then and now
you used to be you
now you spit nails
i ache for the past
while you push me
i feel broken
ashamed
tired and hungry
though i'm not starving
i need air
i need freedom
i long to find what makes me happy now
you have changed
i miss what you used to be
cry it all out
the resentment and hate
i know how you feel
bitter and hurt
now i suffer from myself
inexcusable and shameful
i blame me.
now you spit nails
i ache for the past
while you push me
i feel broken
ashamed
tired and hungry
though i'm not starving
i need air
i need freedom
i long to find what makes me happy now
you have changed
i miss what you used to be
cry it all out
the resentment and hate
i know how you feel
bitter and hurt
now i suffer from myself
inexcusable and shameful
i blame me.
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