Arms

I hear her breathing
The comfort she brings is astounding
Ten years later and just the thought of her brings me to tears
So proud and so grateful
She is my heart
Nervous and shaking I held her
Small and insignificant, my picayune
Now bold, overwhelming and strong

She is mine.

I watch her touch the hot things
I hold her when she hurts
The tears shed for her are real
They run deep
Salty as the sea and full of love and devotion
I cant make her trust me
Please listen, pay attention, don't walk away
Without saying I love you...

She is definitely mine.

I'm more than halfway
I thought it would feel like forever
Actually seems like no time has passed
She's still so innocent and honest
The world hasn't taken her yet
It's constant pull hasn't defeated me
Please stay small
Please tell me you wont run
Please don't be me...

You will always be mine.

Losing

What are you waiting for?
Who is she?
Is she Prettier?
Is she smarter?
Is she taller?
Is she less of a mess?
Is she more attentive?
Is she thinner?
Does she speak more eloquently?
Is her hair longer?
Is she more stable?
Less quirky?
Is she childless?
Does she have more freedom?
Is she less damaged?
Does she have a college degree?
Are her eyes bluer?
Is she more graceful?
Who is she....and why is she better than me?

happy new year

hanging head
deep sigh
tears falling
pacing the room
swallowed by loneliness
pouring my confusion out on the floor
nothing fits together
an unpossible merging
i sit
i stand
i wretch
i ache
the sparkle in my eye
it's only a tear
that color blue
its sadness beyond the seas
my affliction, its lonely
i need more
self sabotage and a smiling wall
a thin and tender defense
a beaten soul
bleeding memories slowly into an atmosphere of shit and sky
moving steadily into further reaches of instability
kindly step aside please
i need to fall on my proverbial face

Tomorrow

My blanket of bricks weighs heavy
I'm waiting patiently
The mask of smiles is wearing thin
I'm starting to show through

Washing the blue from my eyes
and the blood from my hands
I see through the ripples to the sand
Reaching deeply, going head first
I've lost my grip.

Letting go of reality
Making peace with inner chaos
It has become my normality
Please leave me my sanity

My spine, it's numb
Bending over backwards is more painful than ever
I expect nothing
I'm never hurt

My love for you it's unwavering
Do you see me here?
I'm standing, shaking, crying
You'll love me, I know it
I feel you, I see you
You're walking away
You passed me by
Again, you look through me
I'm amazing, didn't you know?
I thought someone told you...

evening

the cool evening breeze presses my hair to my face

our fingers intertwined and hands warm

looking at me, you smile

my eyes smile back

steps, one in front of the other

quietly we know.

laying on the grass

i feel it gently tickling my neck

bare feet and soft kisses

my heart smiles

sun setting, moon rising

silently enjoying the dusk

quietly we know.

deep river, warm water

mud between our toes

illuminating our bodies, the moon bathes in his reflection

wrapped up in your arms

skin to skin

face to face

slow breathing, hearts beating

quietly we know.

Buried

an equal and opposite reaction, i beg to differ

the ceiling is coming down on top of me

im not sure im going to react

out and breathing

in and buried

i cant decide

my eyes, the sun

are those real tears?

where am i

who am i

what am i doing here

who are you

do i know you

maybe you wont hurt me

should i chance it

i have to stop talking to myself

im in the dark

whos hand is that

where are you taking me

i'll go with you

it doesnt matter where

its just out of reach

climbing, bleeding, shaking

its too high

fallen into this heap

shallow, raspy breathing

im buried

moving

Control, it's gone
I'm not driving anymore
I've let it take me
I've never lost control before
Drowning in your energy
With your touch, I'm spinning
Eyes closed, I see you
Life is not a malfunction
I want to live
No one looks at me the way you do
Nobody says what you say
I think somehow I always knew you
I know you exist
I've seen you, heard you, touched you
Is this my own manufactured idea
Is this real
Slowly moving forward
I want to keep you.